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Not Under My RoofParents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex$
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Amy T. Schalet

Print publication date: 2011

Print ISBN-13: 9780226736181

Published to Chicago Scholarship Online: September 2013

DOI: 10.7208/chicago/9780226736204.001.0001

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“At Least They Know Where I Am”

“At Least They Know Where I Am”

(p.130) (p.131) Six “At Least They Know Where I Am”
Not Under My Roof

Amy T. Schalet

University of Chicago Press

This chapter shows that in spite of parent-teenager tensions, sexuality becomes a vehicle through which young people are encouraged to develop a psychology of incorporation rather than separation. Boys are encouraged to make their sexuality gezellig—to value the integration of sexual and domestic pleasures and to choose partners who can be treated as temporary family members. Girls are encouraged to make their sexuality normal—to avoid causing unnecessary disturbances by springing a sexual relationship, let alone a pregnancy, on their parents prematurely or out of the blue, and to be able to discuss emotional issues without letting discomfort get the better of them. While it is striking how similarly Dutch boys and girls are treated, it is also notable that negotiations around the sleepover are more prolonged and tension-ridden for girls than for boys.

Keywords:   parent-teenager tensions, psychology of incorporation, gezellig, domestic pleasures, pregnancy, sleepover

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