Jump to ContentJump to Main Navigation
The Arc of LoveHow Our Romantic Lives Change over Time$
Users without a subscription are not able to see the full content.

Aaron Ben-Ze'ev

Print publication date: 2019

Print ISBN-13: 9780226633909

Published to Chicago Scholarship Online: January 2020

DOI: 10.7208/chicago/9780226634067.001.0001

Show Summary Details
Page of

PRINTED FROM CHICAGO SCHOLARSHIP ONLINE (www.chicago.universitypressscholarship.com). (c) Copyright University of Chicago Press, 2021. All Rights Reserved. An individual user may print out a PDF of a single chapter of a monograph in CHSO for personal use.date: 27 October 2021

Choosing a Romantic Partner

Choosing a Romantic Partner

(p.126) 8 Choosing a Romantic Partner
The Arc of Love

Aaron Ben-Ze'ev

University of Chicago Press

The complexity in choosing a long-term partner relates to the fact that a good match can hardly be determined by preexisting nonrelational traits; only ongoing interactions can reveal and establish a suitable match. It is less important how good each partner is, but how suited they are to each other. In choosing a partner, the suitability scale is more significant than the nonrelational scale. Accordingly, meritocracy, which is a system in which people are chosen for their nonrelational past achievements, is of limited value in choosing a romantic partner. While our minds tend to latch on to both positive and negative superficial qualities, these are less useful in ensuring profound love. Hence, choosing a partner by merely relying on the checklist method or on love at first sight can often lead us to inappropriate choices. It is the profound qualities, particularly the positive ones, which should be one’s focus in choosing a long-term partner. The ability to bring out the best in each other is one of the top predictors for the success of a romantic relationship. It is difficult, however, to identify this ability at the initial stage of a relationship.

Keywords:   dating, ideal, Internet, meritocracy, partner, political, relational, suitability, Trump

Chicago Scholarship Online requires a subscription or purchase to access the full text of books within the service. Public users can however freely search the site and view the abstracts and keywords for each book and chapter.

Please, subscribe or login to access full text content.

If you think you should have access to this title, please contact your librarian.

To troubleshoot, please check our FAQs, and if you can't find the answer there, please contact us.