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The Arc of LoveHow Our Romantic Lives Change over Time$
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Aaron Ben-Ze'ev

Print publication date: 2019

Print ISBN-13: 9780226633909

Published to Chicago Scholarship Online: January 2020

DOI: 10.7208/chicago/9780226634067.001.0001

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PRINTED FROM CHICAGO SCHOLARSHIP ONLINE (www.chicago.universitypressscholarship.com). (c) Copyright University of Chicago Press, 2021. All Rights Reserved. An individual user may print out a PDF of a single chapter of a monograph in CHSO for personal use.date: 27 October 2021

The Role of Time in Love

The Role of Time in Love

(p.70) 5 The Role of Time in Love
The Arc of Love

Aaron Ben-Ze'ev

University of Chicago Press

The dizzying pace of modern society poses a threat to love in that timing is often emphasized over time. It is the latter, though, that lends itself to profound love. Our tendency to choose superficial future possibilities can spoil our ability to reach romantic profundity. In consuming ourselves with immediate and ever-changing superficial possibilities, we tend to neglect the more stable and profound aspects of the present and the long-term future. Time is also relevant when considering a return to a past lover. However, the idealization of the past can contribute to a mistaken expectation that things will somehow be different or better than the first time around. Whether it is considering a return to a past lover or establishing a new connection entirely, the quest for profound love requires a patient heart and an awareness of the impact of time. The role of time in romantic love has both positive and negative aspects. This is so because time is a positive and constitutive factor of profound love, whereas time is either marginal or at worst destructive to intense love. In long-term robust love, there is an overall optimal balance between the various aspects of time.

Keywords:   ex-lovers, future, instant, intense, patience, past and present, restless, timing

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